The Number 4

It's amazing how sometimes the smallest number can bring about the biggest change in a person's life. Take Michael Phelps for example. Phelps won his seventh gold medal in the Beijing Olympics by beating Serbian Milorad Cavic by ONLY 0.01 seconds (or 2cm). That number--0.01--has had a colossal impact on Phelp's life. Isn't that just amazing??!!

The number 4, unfortunately, has had a colossal impact on my life. It has forever been seared into my mind. And so begins my sad saga begins...

It all began with elections for our student council in my university. I was already the chairman, but as per regulations we had to hold elections for a female member as well. [Enter my first love...lets name her...HELENA]. Three females stood up for the elections--Helena (*Sigh*), Cindy and Yelena. In the end, Helena won the election against Cindy BY FOUR BLOODY VOTES! It was 41-37-13 (Yeah, people weren't really fond of Yelena).

Since I already held the position of chairman, I became very close to Helena. I always had a thing for her, but it was a VERY small crush. But after the election, that is when things started to really develop. Slowly when we started to work together on projects, we started talking more. First it was only messaging on cell phones, which then later progressed to phone calls 2-3 times a week, and then to finally EVERY DAY. One thing led to another, and before I knew it I started feeling funny.

I had developed this feeling, which was quite foreign to me. I couldn't quite diagnose it. I couldn't quite comprehend it in the beginning. I had never felt that way in my life before. It was the weirdest feeling ever. There was something about Helena...that whenever I saw her or talked to her my heart started pumping faster. I felt like an alien to myself around her.

Slowly the thoughts of Helena had started consuming me. I would desperately wait for her phone calls. I would look for excuses to talk to her. The mere thought of me being with her or talking to her would bring a huge smile to my face. But for some odd reason--most probably because of my naivety--I still couldn't diagnose it. I still couldn't figure out the cause of the feelings. I had become desperate for answers...

In The Beginning There Was Only Me...

Abraham Cowley once famously wrote:

"A mighty pain to love it is,

And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;

But of all pains, the greatest pain

It is to love, but love in vain."

Currently I am 20 years old. 20 years have passed by without such an incident. I could have never anticipated in a million years that I would be feeling the way I am today. I could have never imagined that I would be standing at the junction of my life I am today. But yet here I am...standing at an all important junction in life staring at my reflection in the pond of life.

But the reflection I see this time is different--it's different than the reflections that I have seen before. In the beginning there was only me...

But now I see this new me in the reflection. I see a side which I thought never existed, or would never even exist. But Alas, it does. To my heart's discontent this side exists. I wish to God it wouldn't exist, but it does.

This side came into existence after a series of events within a short time span. Events whose outcome has changed my life radically. An outcome which I will never forget...